Last week while I was at work I saw I had a missed call from my mother-in-law. She doesn't typically call me at work, so I listened to the message and then called her back. I can't even remember now why she actually called me. A few minutes into the conversation she said "Now, I don't want you to think I am a meddling mother-in-law but I saw something in the newspaper the other day and I just have to tell you about it." I was a little nervous. I mean, what could it be? I would never consider D to be 'meddling' and this was a little odd, mostly because it was out of character for her.
She told me that she saw and advertisement for a clinical trial for infertility. She gave me the basic information and asked if I wanted the phone number. I swallowed my first response, which was "Hell yes I want the number!!" and instead said "Yeah, that would be great." Now, I love my MIL (mother-in-law) dearly, and we have wonderful conversations. But that afternoon I couldn't get off the phone quickly enough. I may have been dialing the number for the clinic on my work line as I was wrapping things up with her on my cell.
Long story short, I called the number for the study and Scott and I passed the first portion of the screening process. I scheduled an appointment for the next week for us to go and sign the consent forms. That was last week.
Since then, we met with a study coordinator and we passed the second portion of the screening process. The only thing that stands between us and four months of 100% paid for fertility treatments is one semen analysis for Scott (he passed his last one with flying colors!) and one round of initial blood work for me. As long as my FSH comes in under 12 the whole thing will be a go! My last FSH was 11.0 and that was after three cycles of Clomid. I've read that Clomid can actually cause a rise in FSH. Prior to any fertility treatments, my FSH was 10.2. We are crossing our fingers that my testing comes back within the 'normal' range, under 12, and we can proceed with the trial.
The trial consists of four cycles of medication paired with IUI, which is intrauterine insemination. AKA, the turkey baster method. Here are some details. So if you don't want to know about them, just skip to the next section.
Not this section, the one below the divider lines. The cycle will go like this. Next week I will have a physical and some baseline bloodwork done. This bloodwork is not to measure my fertility hormones, but just basic bloodwork like you would have done at an annual physical. I also have to have a pap smear and and ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries. Then we wait for my period to start. On cycle day 3 I go back for the bloodwork to check my FSH. If that is below 12 then I am assigned a fertility medication for the duration of the study. The medications are Clomid, Femara, and Menopur. The Clomid and Femara are oral pills to take. The Menopur is an injectable stimulating drug. I've taken Clomid and Femara before so I am really hoping for the Menopur. The oral medications are taken on cycle days 3-7, and the Menapour could deviate from this schedule, based in my response. I could take it cycle days 3-7 or I could take it longer.
During this time I will have to go to the clinic for bloodwork and ultrasounds to monitor my follicle (egg) development. Once my follicles have matured I then take what is called a 'trigger shot'. The trigger shot will cause the follicle(s) to release the egg(s) within about 24-48 hours. 48 hours after I take the trigger shot, Scott and I will return to the clinic for the IUI. This is when Scott has to produce his sample which will be 'washed'. This is where the sample is taken into the lab and the not-so-good swimmers are washed away, leaving only the really good and strong swimmers. I will be waiting in a procedure room while all of this is happening. Once all of the good swimmers are ready the doctor will bring them into the procedure room with me and use a catheter to place them directly into my uterus through my cervix.
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Okay. For those of you who skipped to the next section, it is now safe to read.
The study lasts for four cycles. If we get pregnant before the fourth cycle then we the treatments will stop. The clinic will monitor us through the first six weeks then release us to my OBGYN.
According to the consent forms we signed, the study is being conducted to compare the rates of multiple births (twins or more) when using the three drugs to treat unexplained infertiilty. Clomid has a multiple birth rate of about 10%, Menopur has a multiple birth rate of about 20-25%, and Femara is reported have a multiple birth rate similar to that of the 'normal' rate that occurs without medications. The medication doses are standard, and I am won't be pumped with excessive amounts of drugs. Of course there is a risk of twins, but the clinic is very careful with monitoring the number of maturing follicles and most likely won't proceed with the IUI if there are too many follicles present.
I've tried to cover all of the basics, but please ask questions if you have any. I will do my best to answer them.
We are very hopeful and very thankful that D told us about this study. This treatment plan is most likely what we would have done with our regular RE. We were hesitant because the treatments can be costly, around $2500 or more per cycle. The cost depends on how much medication and monitoring is needed during each cycle. Our health insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments so we would be paying out-of-pocket for all bloodwork, ultrasounds, medications and procedures. This really is a blessing. I am so incredibly thankful that my mother-in-law saw the advertisement for this study!
And for the record, I do not think D meddles! But it was a good title for my post.
Lilypie Maternity tickers
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Balancing Acts and Expectations
One of the things that I struggle with the most as Scott and I continue down this path of trying to start a family is balance. Balancing work and our social life with the appointments, time commitments and general stress of another round of treatments. Balancing our hope and determination with two and a half years of disappointment every month when my cycle starts. Balancing hope with practicality. Balancing risks with rewards. Balancing our budget to pay for the next round of treatment and medications.
Balancing our feelings and emotions have been one of my greatest struggles. Trying to balance my feelings against the feelings of those around us, whom we love dearly. Do I go to the baby shower and risk breaking into tears at some point, or do I stay home and risk hurting a dear friend's feelings? Do I tell the person that something they recently did or said was hurtful and attempt to explain my feelings, or do I just try to swallow it and move on? Do I go to the party or event and hope and pray that no-one pulls me aside to tell me they are pregnant? (That can really ruin a nice party, by the way.) Or do we stay home and make up an excuse because we can't handle the possibility that someone might share their great news?
Do I register for the running event that is four months away, invest in the $85 entrance fee only in the hopes that we are finally pregnant by race day and I won't be able to run the race? We can't put our life on hold and yet we want to remain hopeful. But being hopeful sometimes that means we may miss out on something we really want to do. So do we hope and miss something, or do we just do our best to go along as if nothing is really wrong, as if we aren't waiting for the biggest thing in our lives to finally happen.
The cynical, infertile in me wants to book a very expensive, non-refundable vacation. That would do it, right? I mean, let's pay a few thousand dollars to go on a second honeymoon in the hopes that we get pregnant before the trip. No Pina Colodas for us, or at least none for me.
Sometimes I find that I relate to something I saw on a television show or a movie. It seems that so many stories are developing around a character struggling to get pregnant. I am sure that this is mostly my perception and heightened senses because of our struggle. I find that I don't like it when I relate too much to the characters; it just seems so incredibly cliche. I feel like Mary Catherine Gallagher, "my emotions can be best described by the Lifetime made for TV movie... If you know the skit, you know what I am talking about. Sometimes I think "Seriously, Corinne. Get a grip." But other times I am brought to tears.
My most recent experience occurred while watching Grey's Anatomy last week. Callie recently found herself pregnant, which of course wasn't planned. And to add insult to injury, Callie is a lesbian who after a recent break-up found herself in bed with a male lover from her past. I need to stop here and remind myself that THIS IS JUST A TV SHOW!!! Of course Callie gets pregnant. I mean, would it happen any other way? As if that wasn't insulting enough, the storyline continues and Meredith is drawn in because she struggling with trying to get pregnant. (Did I mention that Meredith is my favorite character?) Callie asked Christina (Meredith's BFF) to be the Godmother to the bun in her oven. Merdeith tells Christina "You told her no, right?" Christina is stunned. Why would she tell Callie no? Near the end of the episode, Meredith finally explains to Christina why this bothers her so much. Meredith says something like "I know this is crazy, but if you say yes to being Callie's baby's Godmother, it's like saying you don't think I will ever be a mother." Ouch. That stung. I cried and cried. Because I've felt that way before. More than once. That something someone said or did had that hint of 'well, you might not get that chance, so I'm going to take this one.'
And it all goes back to balance, and the struggle that I've been having for over two years now. Just because my life isn't happening within the time frame we wanted doesn't mean that everyone else should wait until we finally get there.
The hardest part is that there seems to be no right answer, no right way to go through this and deal with all of our emotions. Of course we hurt when we hear someone dear to us is pregnant. It is all internal hurt, because in our hearts we are beyond happy for these people. But our hearts and bodies also ache, wishing that just this one time it could be us.
I also realize that there probably is no 'right way' for someone to approach these very delicate situations. I could pick apart every situation, but I won't do that. I don't do that. I will say that recently, there have been a few situations where someone close to me has taken me by surprise by acknowledging our struggles. Sometimes it feels good just to hear "I understand that this can be difficult". Strange to say, but it feels good to hear it.
Balancing our feelings and emotions have been one of my greatest struggles. Trying to balance my feelings against the feelings of those around us, whom we love dearly. Do I go to the baby shower and risk breaking into tears at some point, or do I stay home and risk hurting a dear friend's feelings? Do I tell the person that something they recently did or said was hurtful and attempt to explain my feelings, or do I just try to swallow it and move on? Do I go to the party or event and hope and pray that no-one pulls me aside to tell me they are pregnant? (That can really ruin a nice party, by the way.) Or do we stay home and make up an excuse because we can't handle the possibility that someone might share their great news?
Do I register for the running event that is four months away, invest in the $85 entrance fee only in the hopes that we are finally pregnant by race day and I won't be able to run the race? We can't put our life on hold and yet we want to remain hopeful. But being hopeful sometimes that means we may miss out on something we really want to do. So do we hope and miss something, or do we just do our best to go along as if nothing is really wrong, as if we aren't waiting for the biggest thing in our lives to finally happen.
The cynical, infertile in me wants to book a very expensive, non-refundable vacation. That would do it, right? I mean, let's pay a few thousand dollars to go on a second honeymoon in the hopes that we get pregnant before the trip. No Pina Colodas for us, or at least none for me.
Sometimes I find that I relate to something I saw on a television show or a movie. It seems that so many stories are developing around a character struggling to get pregnant. I am sure that this is mostly my perception and heightened senses because of our struggle. I find that I don't like it when I relate too much to the characters; it just seems so incredibly cliche. I feel like Mary Catherine Gallagher, "my emotions can be best described by the Lifetime made for TV movie... If you know the skit, you know what I am talking about. Sometimes I think "Seriously, Corinne. Get a grip." But other times I am brought to tears.
My most recent experience occurred while watching Grey's Anatomy last week. Callie recently found herself pregnant, which of course wasn't planned. And to add insult to injury, Callie is a lesbian who after a recent break-up found herself in bed with a male lover from her past. I need to stop here and remind myself that THIS IS JUST A TV SHOW!!! Of course Callie gets pregnant. I mean, would it happen any other way? As if that wasn't insulting enough, the storyline continues and Meredith is drawn in because she struggling with trying to get pregnant. (Did I mention that Meredith is my favorite character?) Callie asked Christina (Meredith's BFF) to be the Godmother to the bun in her oven. Merdeith tells Christina "You told her no, right?" Christina is stunned. Why would she tell Callie no? Near the end of the episode, Meredith finally explains to Christina why this bothers her so much. Meredith says something like "I know this is crazy, but if you say yes to being Callie's baby's Godmother, it's like saying you don't think I will ever be a mother." Ouch. That stung. I cried and cried. Because I've felt that way before. More than once. That something someone said or did had that hint of 'well, you might not get that chance, so I'm going to take this one.'
And it all goes back to balance, and the struggle that I've been having for over two years now. Just because my life isn't happening within the time frame we wanted doesn't mean that everyone else should wait until we finally get there.
The hardest part is that there seems to be no right answer, no right way to go through this and deal with all of our emotions. Of course we hurt when we hear someone dear to us is pregnant. It is all internal hurt, because in our hearts we are beyond happy for these people. But our hearts and bodies also ache, wishing that just this one time it could be us.
I also realize that there probably is no 'right way' for someone to approach these very delicate situations. I could pick apart every situation, but I won't do that. I don't do that. I will say that recently, there have been a few situations where someone close to me has taken me by surprise by acknowledging our struggles. Sometimes it feels good just to hear "I understand that this can be difficult". Strange to say, but it feels good to hear it.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Blessings in Disguise
Scott and I had our appointment scheduled with Dr. B at HFCRM yesterday afternoon at 4:00. I arrived at the appointment a little early and sent Scott a text message to let him know I was already there. He was about 10 minutes away so I decided to take a few minutes to clean out my car. If you know me at all you may know that my car typically looks like I've been living out of it. I had trash, gym clothes, a gym bag, and at least five empty water bottles plus a few coffee mugs that all needed to find their way out of my car. I turned around in my seat to put these things into bags; one for the trash and one to take into the house once I got home.
I was excited for the appointment, excited to start fertility treatments again, and excited for the possibility that we might actually, finally get pregnant. I was also really excited to go to dinner with Scott after the appointment and tell him about the phone call from his mother I got that afternoon. A phone call that might really change the whole game.
I finished cleaning the junk out of the backseat of my car and turned around to gather my purse and bags to go into the doctor's office and wait for our appointment. As I turned around my vision went blurry. It took me a moment to realize that I was getting a migraine. All I could think was "Seriously?" Why would this be happening to me? Now? In the parking lot at the RE's office?!? I called Scott and we decided to cancel the appointment. I really needed to get home and get to bed before my migraine got to be unbearable. I went into the office and told the receptionist that I was ill and we needed to reschedule the appointment. Then I drove home and went to bed.
Maybe it was a good thing the appointment was canceled because the phone call from my mother-in-law was about a study that is currently being conducted at WSU. She gave me the information and I called the study coordinator right away. After a half hour long conversation, where I mostly answered "no" to the questions the woman had for me, we passed the first of two pre-screening sessions! The study is examine multiple birth rates for three different fertility drugs when used to treat unexplained infertility. Even though my hormone levels all point to DOR, my levels are still good enough to qualify for this study. As long as my cycle-day-three FSH level comes in under 12, we should be able to take part in the study. My FSH has been 10.2 and 11.0, so I hope it is still in the same range!!!
The study consists of four medicated cycles, each with a fertility drug and intrauterine insemination (IUI), also know as artificial insemination.
On cycle day 3 we will be given our medications and each cycle they could be different. The study will cover all of our medications, monitoring, testing, bloodwork and the IUI procedure, as well as bloodwork 9 and 14 days after the IUI to confirm ovulation and then test for pregnancy. It is all paid by the study!
So, please send prayers out for Scott and me. We are really hoping that we pass the second part of the pre-screening and that we will qualify. We should know within the next week or two!!
I was excited for the appointment, excited to start fertility treatments again, and excited for the possibility that we might actually, finally get pregnant. I was also really excited to go to dinner with Scott after the appointment and tell him about the phone call from his mother I got that afternoon. A phone call that might really change the whole game.
I finished cleaning the junk out of the backseat of my car and turned around to gather my purse and bags to go into the doctor's office and wait for our appointment. As I turned around my vision went blurry. It took me a moment to realize that I was getting a migraine. All I could think was "Seriously?" Why would this be happening to me? Now? In the parking lot at the RE's office?!? I called Scott and we decided to cancel the appointment. I really needed to get home and get to bed before my migraine got to be unbearable. I went into the office and told the receptionist that I was ill and we needed to reschedule the appointment. Then I drove home and went to bed.
Maybe it was a good thing the appointment was canceled because the phone call from my mother-in-law was about a study that is currently being conducted at WSU. She gave me the information and I called the study coordinator right away. After a half hour long conversation, where I mostly answered "no" to the questions the woman had for me, we passed the first of two pre-screening sessions! The study is examine multiple birth rates for three different fertility drugs when used to treat unexplained infertility. Even though my hormone levels all point to DOR, my levels are still good enough to qualify for this study. As long as my cycle-day-three FSH level comes in under 12, we should be able to take part in the study. My FSH has been 10.2 and 11.0, so I hope it is still in the same range!!!
The study consists of four medicated cycles, each with a fertility drug and intrauterine insemination (IUI), also know as artificial insemination.
On cycle day 3 we will be given our medications and each cycle they could be different. The study will cover all of our medications, monitoring, testing, bloodwork and the IUI procedure, as well as bloodwork 9 and 14 days after the IUI to confirm ovulation and then test for pregnancy. It is all paid by the study!
So, please send prayers out for Scott and me. We are really hoping that we pass the second part of the pre-screening and that we will qualify. We should know within the next week or two!!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Back to the Beginning
After quite a bit of discussion Scott and I have decided that we are going to go back to see Dr. B at HFCRM. I called and made an appointment and we will see her the week of February 14th. We giving this one more round of treatments and we are doing our best to go into this round with lots of hope and confidence.
This is hard. So hard. But we are keeping a positive outlook and really hoping that whatever Dr. B has in store for us will finally result in a pregnancy.
While I am not exactly looking forward to early morning trips to the RE for monitoring I am very excited that we could maybe, possibly, hopefully (please, please, please!!!) be pregnant within the next few months.
This is hard. So hard. But we are keeping a positive outlook and really hoping that whatever Dr. B has in store for us will finally result in a pregnancy.
While I am not exactly looking forward to early morning trips to the RE for monitoring I am very excited that we could maybe, possibly, hopefully (please, please, please!!!) be pregnant within the next few months.
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