Just a short little post to update those of you who are following our Blog. My first cycle on Femara and Ovidrel, which was our 23rd cycle trying to get pregnant, ended this afternoon when I started my period. Scott and I have decided that we are going to take a break for a cycle or two. I need a little break from the charting, monitoring, doctors appointments, and generally the stress. Scott is being wonderfully supportive and agrees that a little break could be good for us.
We will resume the treatments and trying sometime in April or May.
Lilypie Maternity tickers
Friday, March 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So, How Are You Doing?
This is a question I hear quite frequently from family and friends. When I hear it, I am reminded that others are thinking of Scott and me during this journey. I know that the question comes from curiosity and wonder and care for us. What I don't know is how to answer the question. I usually tell people that things are going well, briefly explain where we are in our process, mention a medication or two that I am taking, and then say how I am really hopeful that this is the month for us.
What I don't say is how hard this really is. How I never in a million years thought that after nearly two years Scott and I would be here as only the two of us. That at times, the grief is nearly unbearable. During this process I have been excited, hopeful, afraid, terrified, angry, hopeless, fearful, jealous, tired, crazy, numb, relieved and disappointed. And thanks to some of the medications, I can feel all of these feelings over the course of one day!
Sometimes I wish I could post a list of the questions and comments that are acceptable to ask me along this journey. The problem is that what is acceptable one day, might set me off the next.
I guess as an outsider, someone who has never struggled with this, some can't quite grasp the daily reminders that I have had to learn to deal with. The friendly co-worker who asks me, as I am leaving work early to see my RE (fertility specialist) for yet another round of blood work, if I am going to the doctor for bloodwork to confirm I'm pregnant, when I never even mentioned the word bloodwork in the first place. I want to say "No, I'm going because after nearly two years I can't get pregnant and we're trying to figure out if I ever can." Or, "No, I am going see my doctor so she can tell me that I have few eggs left, and my chances of ever getting pregnant without serious intervention fall somewhere between slim and none." Or the co-worker I pass on my third trip to the bathroom in the past two hours because I have a case of the stomach flu starting, and they say "Don't worry kiddo, it will get better." I want to respond "It's not morning sickness you asshole, I have diarrhea". And then I realize I need to put my own feelings in check. That people may just be curious and hopeful. They may or may not realize that so much time has passed and I am still not pregnant. (All of these things have actually happened to me!)
I wish there were magic words to say, a finite list of acceptable questions and responses I could provide to family and friends so that people aren't afraid to ask me how I am doing or what is going on. I wish there was a sign I could wear that says "Please don't assume". But, I guess the best I can do is to tell you that it is okay to ask me what is going on and how we are doing. I really don't mind talking about it. My responses might not always be short or pleasant, but it is good for me to share some of what is going on.
What I don't say is how hard this really is. How I never in a million years thought that after nearly two years Scott and I would be here as only the two of us. That at times, the grief is nearly unbearable. During this process I have been excited, hopeful, afraid, terrified, angry, hopeless, fearful, jealous, tired, crazy, numb, relieved and disappointed. And thanks to some of the medications, I can feel all of these feelings over the course of one day!
Sometimes I wish I could post a list of the questions and comments that are acceptable to ask me along this journey. The problem is that what is acceptable one day, might set me off the next.
I guess as an outsider, someone who has never struggled with this, some can't quite grasp the daily reminders that I have had to learn to deal with. The friendly co-worker who asks me, as I am leaving work early to see my RE (fertility specialist) for yet another round of blood work, if I am going to the doctor for bloodwork to confirm I'm pregnant, when I never even mentioned the word bloodwork in the first place. I want to say "No, I'm going because after nearly two years I can't get pregnant and we're trying to figure out if I ever can." Or, "No, I am going see my doctor so she can tell me that I have few eggs left, and my chances of ever getting pregnant without serious intervention fall somewhere between slim and none." Or the co-worker I pass on my third trip to the bathroom in the past two hours because I have a case of the stomach flu starting, and they say "Don't worry kiddo, it will get better." I want to respond "It's not morning sickness you asshole, I have diarrhea". And then I realize I need to put my own feelings in check. That people may just be curious and hopeful. They may or may not realize that so much time has passed and I am still not pregnant. (All of these things have actually happened to me!)
I wish there were magic words to say, a finite list of acceptable questions and responses I could provide to family and friends so that people aren't afraid to ask me how I am doing or what is going on. I wish there was a sign I could wear that says "Please don't assume". But, I guess the best I can do is to tell you that it is okay to ask me what is going on and how we are doing. I really don't mind talking about it. My responses might not always be short or pleasant, but it is good for me to share some of what is going on.
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